sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
