I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
