The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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