Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
