he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
