youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
