Hey man sorry I got all grabby
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
