Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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