Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
