3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
