That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've blown a few things in my day
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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