That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
