My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
