I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
