Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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