Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize