I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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