She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize