he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize