How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
