I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
