Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
