it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
