YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is wine microwaveable?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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