so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just invented taco cereal.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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