Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
