peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
