i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
