Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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