i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
