She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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