do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize