I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
