I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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