32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
