I can tuck mytits in my pants
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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