y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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