You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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