ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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