Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
