I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
