STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
