i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
