i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
