absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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