you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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