My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
