ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Terrible idea I love it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
