My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize