so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
