Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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