You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
