Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
