Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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