Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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