My cat gives me a boner
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
