The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
