I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
