Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
