I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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