I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
