His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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