Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
