I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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