Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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