Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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