i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
