Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
