Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
