Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
