Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
