Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
