Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
