Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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